I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
