I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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