just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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