If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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