last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
