me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
