I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
