So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
