she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
