"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
