I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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