I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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