I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
wow bdsm is so cute
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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