She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
