I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
