This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
