I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
