So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
