dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize