The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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