You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
