after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
