I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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