Michael Bay diarrhea
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
