I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
