your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
