i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
