okay pat passed out under dana's car
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
