You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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