Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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