I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
