He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
