well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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