you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
