Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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