D3 body, D1 cock
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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