you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
