so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize