So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
