Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
