Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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