we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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