You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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