Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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