She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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