i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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