it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
