I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
