I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize