I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
