I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
