If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Pants are for mortals
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
