I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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