Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He passed out mid-signature
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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