True but thats because hes a fetus.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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