There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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