can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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