Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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