you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
false alarm, still single
Randomize
