Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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