I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
