took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize