I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
