Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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