she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
two words...techno handjob
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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