I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
