I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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