That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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