i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize