I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
