So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
