It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
