Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
