that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
