Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize