New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
