my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
