I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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