Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
