I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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