idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I think my moral compass just broke
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