Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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