butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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