dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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