Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
