I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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