I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
