My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well I just put wine in my tea
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize