New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
