ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
