Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize