Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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