Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize