come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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