They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
