I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
