Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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