Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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