I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize