I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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