Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he fucked my hip out of place.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
